Reflective Listening

 



Reflective listening is a way to show that you are accurately hearing what another person is saying. Reflective listening can be helpful with a disagreement, argument, or problem solving. The reason this helps is because:

A. You can better see their problem and solution, from a logical and emotional perspective.
B. When someone feels their point of view is truly seen, they are more likely to lower their defenses and hear your personal point of view as well.

  • Be present with the other person 
    • (focus completely on the moment with that individual, stop what you are doing, remove distractions and have an environment where you can focus on them)
  • Listen intently to what they are saying 
    • (stay tuned only to what they are saying, do not go over in your head what you would like to say, the most important thing is hearing not speaking)
  • Say back to them in your own words what you think they are trying to communicate
    • "What I hear you saying is ..."
  • Ask them if what you said is accurate to what they are trying to say
    • "Am I catching on to what you're saying?"
  • If they say yes, it means their perspective was heard and seen
  • If they say no, ask for clarification, and then repeat the above steps until they feel their perspective has been heard and seen
To help any relationship move forward it's important that both people's point of views are communicated. We all are very anxious to want to be heard and will automatically start off trying to help the other person come to our side. But if we can pause and come to their side first and show them that we are hearing what they are saying, then they are more likely to not think as much about their point of view and accurately hear yours. This can lower tension and help both parties find a workable solution and at the very least mutual respect. 

Remember: First seek to hear, then seek to be heard

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